Due to increasing product liability litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on all containers:

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>leave you wondering what the hell happened to your bra.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is
>a major factor in dancing like a retard.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>cause you to tell your friends over and
>over again that you love them.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>cause you to think you can sing.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying
>for you to telephone them at four in the morning.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>make you think you can logically converse with other
>members of the opposite sex without spitting.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>make you think you have mystical Kung Fu powers,
>resulting in you getting your ass kicked.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>cause you to roll over in the morning
>and see something really scary.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is
>the leading cause of inexplicable rug
>burns on the forehead, knees and lower back.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>create the illusion that you are tougher,
>smarter, and faster than most people.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
>cause a disturbance in the time-space continuum,
>whereby gaps of time may seem to literally disappear